Warning... She's losing it a little.

Wow, it's been a long time since I updated. We are so busy these days. I can’t wait until summer (for the kids at least), they have 1 more week of school then they can sleep in a little. I however must take two classes this summer, one of them is at night. I hate it because as usual I will need so much help from so many people (Eric, Carole, my mom, Grandmother & who knows who else).

Clinicals this past semester have been wonderful. I have been able to observe and even help a little in the maternity unit at Gordon Hospital. Having had all my babies here I felt right at home and so excited that I enjoyed it so much (as this is where I hope to work once I graduate) – I’ve also learned I have so much more to learn.

We were discussing large families. A wonderful nurse asked me how many I was planning on having. I said, as I usually do, “As many as God gives.” But this time I thought for a minute and added, “Or until he gives me a sign that I my body can’t handle any more pregnancies.” Where did that come from? How could you say that out loud? Don’t you still believe God knows best? Sure I do. Then where’s your faith? I do seem to ask myself questions like this, not out loud though; I’m not that far gone – medication could possibly help. My faith is in a God that grants great wisdom and understanding of our bodies, so intricately designed by Him, to earthly physicians. I joked that it was her job to tell all the doctors to tell me it was time to stop. But seriously, I’ve really started to become concerned as I gather a little more knowledge regarding our bodies, childbearing and how it could affect my overall health.

I heard our little babies heartbeat today he (don’t know that for sure yet) was hiding a little, but finally heard a wonderfully strong, regular little heartbeat. The doctor asked if I had any questions, I did, but none that I could bring myself to discuss with her at this time. I think I fear what response might be.

I was diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse (MVP) when I was in the 8th grade. I briefly saw a cardiologist that worked in the office my mom manages and he performed a very brief echo where he said, “Yep, its MVP, doesn’t look like there’s any regurgitation, so I’d say she’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.” Ok, he’s the specialist, good enough for us. Now here I am almost 20 years later and while pregnant I find myself suffering from recurrent spells of chest tightening, pain and shortness of breath – all symptoms of a worsening MVP. So why does this happen when I’m pregnant? Well that’s because my blood volume increases by 50% which puts a heavier work load on my heart, which allows for some of that regurgitation (that I supposedly never had way back when – but have since learned is actually what causes the pain). So why does each pregnancy bring more of the spells than the one before – well the thing I fear is that because the valve gets weakened a little more with each child.

So where am I going with this? Hang with me a little longer to see things that way I see them. I know that God creates and gives life. I know that He has blessed us with a wonderful family. But He has also blessed us with wisdom and discernment (or so I’m hoping). My recent fear (less recent than the MVP concerns) has been that having multiple children puts a strain on the uterus and bladder(which doesn’t work so well after 7 pregnancies – well it really didn’t work so well after 1 but you can imagine after 7) and that one day I would be told you really shouldn’t have more children. I have been completely prepared (if not even secretly praying) for that day. So with these things in mind how do I reconcile my belief in God numbering our children and God wanting me to preserve the life He granted me to care for the children I already have. Does that make sense?

It’s really a great struggle in my mind, a battlefield of sorts. My prayer is that in the coming 5 months the Lord would really make His plan for us known. I need a peace to believe it’s from Him. I pray that He will bless this little baby with all the strength and health he needs to grow within me. My other prayer is that God would strengthen the valves in my heart that they would always do what He intended for them to do (I’m assuming that’s work properly) and keep me as healthy as possible.

So if you don’t mind, keep our family in your prayers. And let us know if you have any concerns you need us to pray about too. There's power in prayer and comfort in your friendship.

May you feel God's grace today.

Philippians 1:9-11
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.