Stomping time.

Tuesday night I encountered a very humbling experience, I attended the 2008 Mark Coppage Nursing Scholarship Award Presentation and Reception. Let me start by explaining the process of applying for this application. I saw a memo on a bulletin board at school regarding a nursing scholarship. I dismiss most of these as I assumed that most are reserved for the 4.0 students or the more traditional just out of high school student. I was bored this particular day so I read the entire memo. It stated that this scholarship was more about your character than your GPA. I decided I would at least get an application and think about submitting it.

In order to apply I had to write a narrative about the qualities that I possess that are similar to Dr. Coppage. He was a compassionate, caring man who wanted to help all those around him. Deep in my heart I know I'm that kind of person too, despite the hard core model some of you get to experience. I wrote the narrative. It was well thought out but didn't really highlight any great achievement scholastically. I had thought about using some illnesses our families have endured but thought that would be a plea for sympathy. I simply stated how God had given me the desire pursue this career. I presented the qualities I possess as a mother and how they will benefit me in my nursing career. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, "How can they turn down someone with six kids, works full time and goes to school?", but they could have and in a way they did. I had already calculated how long the girls could stay in daycare and how many months of gas I could get for $5000. Not that I "knew" I would win, but I somehow thought I deserved it.

The truth is, I did need the money, but so did many other applicants. I was a little let down by the fact that I had to attend this ceremony by myself. When I got there I was even more disappointed. Everyone had husbands, children, parents, faculty, someone there to support them, many of them had flowers and gifts, not that I needed those things. I knew I was expected to say something. Let me back up and explain how I knew I had placed. I got a call from one of the panelist that interviewed me telling me I had been selected to receive $2000 as a runner up. Well in my prideful mind I wanted to think that I was the runner up, as in second place (a girl at school asked me if the winner had 7 kids). I was told to expect a letter to follow-up the phone call and to plan on attending the awards presentation. The letter came and it revealed that I had placed 4th, not so bad, not the glorified second I had adjusted to, but not last either. The letter was congratulatory in nature, commending me on my hard work (blah, blah, blah) and it asked that I say a little something at the presentation.

Fast forward to Tuesday evening. I spent 2 hours in traffic, not sure if I will even get there in time. Rush in, shake hands, and have a seat behind a sweet family of five, you could tell that mom was a little unsettled. Her what appeared to be 3 year old didn't want to sit still. You could see her begging him to behave. I have been there before, you love your kids but you just want them to behave and make you look like a well put togther woman - with perfect children! For brief a moment I was glad that I hadn't brought any of my own children. I start looking around the room, just taking in the different backgrounds. I can hear thick accents. I can see young girls, older women, men, hospital personnel, just a wide variety of individuals. I smile and nod as people come in, trying to make their way around me to congratulate their family members, friends, or classmates. I'm scanning the room to see who I think the winner is (like you can tell by looking). Her name was Susan Irwin so I became fairly certain she was the pale girl in front of me. But was special about her, she's got three boys, a husband, a family... but does she work and go to school? Does she know how to pump breast milk, answer her cell phone and drive at the same time? (No one should practice this by the way). What makes her so much more special than me?

Proverbs 27:18-19 says, "Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, Than to divide the spoil with the proud." Don't be thinking you'll have to divide spoils with me yet, there's still hope for me, Jesus hasn't finished working on me yet!

As the presentation began the director of pastoral care thanked everyone for coming and began her introduction of this years recipients. "We have 2 fourth place recipients." OK wait a minute. Not only did I not win, I didn't come in second, I didn't really come in fourth either. I can do the math, with a winner and 8 runner ups, I was either 8th or 9th. What a blow to my ego. Well, I still got $2000 and that was the point right? Maybe not. The first 4th place person was a sharecroppers daughter. Puhleeease! How much did these people have to reveal to get a better place than I did? And just exactly how did they verify this stuff. She thanked everybody and mentioned that she would be graduating at the age of 45. Big whup. She had 2 kids, how hard could that be? I was introduced and I must say it was as if everyone in room gasped when she told them I had six kids. At least they thought that was a big deal. She acknowledged how hard I've worked and that I have a career outside of home to help support our family. I got up, thanked the family, foundation, yada, yada and then made a joke about 5 epidurals, got a laugh and sat down.

With each introduction after my own, I could feel my heart softening to their plights. There were 2 girls from foreign countries (Nigeria and Kenya), they both are away from their families and plan to return to their homelands to provide medical care. There was a man who had worked as a missionary, a daughter who had lost her mother recently, she was an unemployed single mom. A minister of music and several others. Then the winner was announced. She was in fact the mom with three boys in front of me. She had encountered a late term miscarriage, several life threatening illnesses with her children and her husband was in renal failure. The scholarship was a huge financial help and confirmation from God about her career choice. She had us in tears, as did many of the others.

"O Lord, who am I to think I have any special worth, other than to chosen be by You." God, in that moment, knocked my pride out of my body and stomped on it for a while. I pray that if ever I have that haughty spirit He will do it again. For you see, I do have 6 kids, I do work outside the home and go to school, but as I wrote in my narrative, I am blessed by God, He has enabled me to endure each day, and it's really not that hard. He has given me a great husband, good kids, wonderful parents and in-laws that support me in all that I do. So, ninth place was meant to help me financially, but more importantly it was teach me a far greater lessen about God's provision in my life. It's a reminder of who He wants me to be, and what He wants to motivate me to action. Thanks be to a God that will stomp on the bad stuff to mold us a little more into His image.

As Thanksgiving approaches I hope each of you time to relect on what God has done for you. I thank Him for each of you and what you mean to me.